Month of November, 2025

It’s time for a month note! #

I didn’t have the energy to reflect every week this month. This weeknote is the canary in the coalmine for me, so I was concerned. But for the first time in a long time, the culprit wasn’t purely shit mental health. It was exhaustion. Not bone deep, but of the mind. I have been spending so much time doing so many things at work that my brain didn’t want to do anything else except stay home and play video games, or consume narrative. I didn’t even want to meet people! That’s brand new for me. #

My reasons for writing these notes today are not what they were when I started, a year ago. Now, I’m writing this to keep a record of the things my brain thinks of. I love the idea of pointing someone to something I wrote instead of ranting (incompletely) into their chat windows. And I want to spend more active time with myself, bathing in the clarifying waters of creation. #

Work #

At the beginning of this month, I had spent two months building lots of things, but no one was using it - I was just immediately moving on to build other things that no one was using either. In the middle of this month my team acknowledged to each other that it felt like we’ve been paddling water, and then… the last week’s momentum has been so good to feel on my skin. I finally feel like I’m part of a team¹, and not just a cog or a code monkey. #

In the last three months I #

1. Architected several systems #
2. Failed to correctly architect one of two front end services I built, but in ways that I know I can fix, and in order to let the codebase grow naturally #
3. Learnt so much about testing #
4. Tried three or four different ways to use the power of codegen. I think I have a better understanding of what techniques to use for what scenarios now. #
5. Realised I know so little about testing #
6. Got better at stating my opinions in front of people I think are intimidating #
7. Got comfortable with releasing unpolished work, taking criticism, sitting in discomfort, and (most importantly) figuring out who to talk to in the friend group when I was tired and needed to be taken care of. #

I need to #

1. Get better at reading code #
2. Get better at writing tests #
3. Get better at talking about code and systems, as a proxy for understanding it better. I think over the next month Jalebi is going to learn so much. He can be my little rubber ducky. #

I know now that I need to follow my own processes no matter what. People like me have been socialised to change how we do things for fear of fitting in and not drawing attention - but my processes have been built as a result of years of mistakes and stress. I am going to continue to honor that. #

Aaand… I’m going to go off contract and join these folks. There is a lot of competence available in the rooms I’m in. I want to be there, have a stake in building a good product, a good team, and take the energy of enjoying Friday evenings away but also Monday mornings back into work with people. #

Life #

Highlights reel #

1. Did one (1) 1km run, acquired headache the next day. Was put to bed by friends and reminded of the power of potassium. #
2. Hosted the loveliest Nats and Rudi for three whole days (!!) and witnessed the joy of watching friend groups mix again (Ankur and Shru met them). Had such a lovely evening of just hanging out in the house. Was reminded of the joy of travelling for work after looking at Rudi’s mini server set up. I’ve done enough of that in 5years of being remote, but maybe it’s time to try again. Especially given that they have an empty house in Goa… #
3. Speaking of, my own home is coming together nicely. More decor pieces, more cute furniture. More people have come to stay over. More people come home now than ever before. I’m no longer puzzled when the door rings and I’m not expecting anything - I’m just curious. Because people drop in! And fill my heart with warmth. #
4. I resolved a bitter conflict with a dear friend. There was anger and snot and tears, but also laughter and ease, and the weight of being perceived. I’ve decided that it’s not a friendship if space isn’t made for the imposition of ourselves on the other. #
5. I went to two different concerts by myself and had such a fantastic time. I made friends with lots of people at the venue. I like knowing that I can take care of myself. I like going and losing myself in the music while completely sober. I like driving to and from far off concert venues, taking my dabba along for dinner instead of having to stand in line for food. I am so good for me. #
6. Please don’t ever let me be in charge of physical things. I forgot that kolorkode was shut on Sunday and has the most stressfull three hours of my month trying to reprint stickers that were already printed and just needed to be picked up in time for an event later that day. #
7. Indie Web Club has been good. This is because Ankur has been doing most of the work. I have been enjoying being able to show up and just participate. I know I’ll need to take up most of the work again in Jan/Feb when work doesn’t feel as overwhelming, so I’m just enjoying this for now. #

Health #

I took exactly one day off of work this month, for a horrible migraine. I think this is some kind of record. I have been in pain - this has been a bad month for pain - but I’ve still been able to function, push through, and rest later. #

I work eight to ten hours a day during the week, but I still meet people after work for dinner or have people come over to cowork. The company forces me to eat well. The weekends, or when I’m working alone, however, is a different story. On two different occasions, my meal has consisted of a large bag of chips. This will not do! I did a long, involved, quiz thing with Rosh to figure out what kinds of food might suit me best. Some of the results were surprising, but they also made sense. Spicy, salty food is good for me! And I need to make more of that available to myself. #

I want to go back to being dairy/gluten free, because it felt so good, but I don’t know how to time this. I want to be able to eat cookies, and I’ll be travelling in January. I did want to go on a rice elimination diet, but that feels wrong. #

Media Diet #

Reading #

This has been a good month for reading. This list is evenly split between audiobooks and words on a screen. #

• Dracula (The full cast version is your best bet here) #
• This is how you lose the time war #
• Everything is tuberculosis #
• Make Room for love #
• Turn back time #
• Gender Queer #
• about 350,000 words of fan fiction #
• It has no name #

Some reviews on my goodreads profile! #

Around the web #

My rss feed reader has been broken for a while. I sorely miss my feeds. This website’s RSS feed is broken too, I’ll fix after posting this! #